Monday, May 19, 2008 by Julie Cancio Harper.

A colleague at the Editorial Freelancers Association asked for information on blogging and copyright in the U.S. after he read a U.K. blogger’s post at Real E Fun on “Copyrights and Copywrongs.” As a copyright and permissions editor who also blogs, I had a pretty strong reaction to the U.K. blogger’s report on copyright infringement by the Daily Mail.

It helps if you read “Copyrights and Copywrongs” before reading my slightly emotional assessment.

— Good. Now on to the copyright rant. —

The whole idea that only “professional writers” qualify for reprint fees is loony. And that bloggers are not professional writers, so their work can be used for free — bah!

Not only do many professional writers blog, but whether “you’ve been paid for it” (the only actual difference between “professional” and “amateur” writers) has NOTHING to do with copyright protection. If the newspaper liked the writing well enough to print it, then they better well pay a reprint fee. What stuffy nonsense!

(I must be miffed. Look at all those scare quotes!)

The same reasoning in the U.K. article applies in the U.S. That is, blog authors hold copyright to their work until they’ve signed a contract to transfer it to someone else. Posting content on the Internet does not place it in the public domain. If another publication (print or electronic) wants to reprint a blog entry, that publication must first obtain permission from the blogger.

I have a copyright statement on my blog that lists an email address where I can be reached to make it easy for people to write and request permission. If you like my writing, c’mon and shoot me an email if you’d like permission to run it somewhere else. I would love to hear from you. If I really, really like you I may even decide to grant you permission for FREE! Or we could barter. I like stuff. Do you have stuff? Or we can do it the old-fashioned way and you can give me money for a non-exclusive reprint license. I’d like that, too. It’s easy and fun! Let’s be friends.

You never know until you ask. But you do have to ask. Because reprinting someone else’s work without permission is copyright infringement. Which is breaking the law. Which is a crime. Why commit a crime when you can just send an email (or fax or letter by courier pigeon) and ask for permission?

My friend at the EFA writes his blog anonymously and he wondered if that had any effect on copyright issues. My answer: He still holds copyright to his blog. The downside of anonymity is that it makes it more difficult for other publishers to find him to request permission. But it does not mean that publishers have a legal right to skip obtaining permission just because he is difficult to find.

Of course, this doesn’t stop people from using the copyright-holder-is-too-hard-to-find argument and reprinting material without permission. People sometimes do and believe whatever they like until they’re caught and dragged into court. But this argument is still generally inexcusable.

(A total aside: U.S. lawmakers are still working out what we’re supposed to do about actual orphan works — and orphan works are a whole other kettle of fish that I’ll have to discuss some other time. Check out LibraryLaw Blog’s “Why We Need Help with Orphan Works” for a start.)

I find that most people who complain are not actually talking about legitimate orphan works anyway. Upon further inspection, they’re talking about regular permissions that they are too lazy to clear. I have heard many whines and grumbles — from publishing professionals and amateurs alike — about “Can’t we just say it’s fair use? Why doesn’t my single Google name search qualify as due diligence? It’s so HARD to research copyright holders and get permissions . . .”

Well, my answer is dry your tears. This is business so just do the math. You can either 1) do the work and get permission, 2) drop the material, or 3) hire a lawyer willing to fight for lame excuses in court once you’ve been sued. Your financial advisor can confirm that permissions editors are much cheaper than lawyers.

If you prefer to write anonymously as a blogger, perhaps you might consider getting a special email address you can list on your blog so that people seeking permission can contact you this way. And you can still put some sort of copyright notice on your blog, but you might shy away from the U.S. Copyright Office’s sanctioned format because it will include your name: Copyright YEAR NAME.

I don’t know how much protection you’d have by signing with your blogger identity, as in “Copyright 2008 The Anonymous Blogger.” Since I blog using my full name, it’s not been an issue I’ve had to research. But when in doubt you can always go back to the source. The U.S. Copyright Office provides many informative publications that should reveal what is at stake for an anonymous blogger. Circular 1: Copyright Office Basics is a good place to start.

Also, if you want a reprint fee for use of your work, at that point you’re going to have to lose some anonymity if you want someone to write you a check.

There is a lot of copyright education that still needs to be done — as you can tell from the U.K. author’s post, the misconception that “if it’s on the Internet, it’s free” directly affects all copyright holders. Also, as a permissions editor, I spend a fair amount of time reviewing these issues for clients and colleagues. If you have a particular question, please shout it out in the comments section or send me an email.

I’ve thought about copyright issues regarding my blog and I’ve decided that it’s still worth blogging even if being on the web makes it extremely easy for people to steal my writing. What I’ve decided to do is monitor my Internet presence through Google vanity searches. I periodically look up my name and key sentences from blog posts to see if I’ve been poached. So far so good.

But if (maybe when?) I do find someone who has made an unauthorized reprint online, I look forward to going after them (and my paycheck). As for unauthorized reprints in print publications, well, it is true that I can’t read everything ever published. But if I come across an infringement in print (or receive a heads-up from a friend), I’ll go after that paycheck as well. I’ll give no freebies after a copyright infringement.

Updated May 20, 2008: Colleagues have also pointed me to two other articles of interest on the pending Orphan Works legislation.

Today the New York Times ran an op-ed piece called “Little Orphan Artworks,” by  Lawrence Lessig.

And attorney and author Joy Butler covered the issue yesterday on her blog, Guide Through the Legal Jungle, with a post called “What Copyright Orphan Work Legislation Does and Does Not Do.”

Posted in copyright & permissions, blogs & blogging, publishing, attitudes, change your mind, books, freelance, editing, enthusiasms | 3 Comments »

Saturday, May 17, 2008 by Julie Cancio Harper.

It’s 82 degrees at 8:30 pm tonight. The sun is down and the sound of my neighbors’ numerous wall air conditioners taunts me through the open windows. Hummmmmmmmmmmm.

I don’t care. I’m not turning on the AC. This is my third summer in Los Angeles and I have so far refused to turn on the air conditioning in my apartment until August each year. I know it gets hot. It’s the desert. But as long as I keep the blinds drawn in the afternoon, the heat is bearable. In the evening, everything cools down and we make dinner and relax.

The weird thing is, I haven’t felt very hungry lately. When I ask myself, “What do I feel like for dinner?” I find I have no idea. I actually feel tired of foods. How about pizza? Nah. I don’t feel like pizza. Pasta? Soup? Sandwich? Mashed potatoes and gravy? Cheeseburger? Veggie wrap with garlic hummus? Tofu stir-fry? NOTHING?!?!

Nope. Nothing sounds that great. Not junk food, not healthy food, not comfort food.

This is weird. On both sides of my family, we are eaters of the first order. When they were growing up my dad and his siblings would trade you a toy for a pork chop. (They probably still would. Can anyone confirm this for me?)

In my mom’s family, we have a joke award called “The Hogmaster” for when people do stupid things for the love of food. Like when CK split open his chin crashing an ATV in the woods and refused to go to the hospital for stitches for more than 30 minutes because he was waiting for the BBQ ribs at the party to be served.

The story goes that he said, “But they make you wait so long in the emergency room, I’ll be STARVING by the time I get back here.” Well, we wouldn’t want that. Eating ribs was clearly the higher priority over receiving treatment for his gushing head wound. He went to the ER with BBQ sauce and his own blood all over his t-shirt. Congratulations, CK, you’ve won The Hogmaster!

I don’t think I can attribute loss of appetite to the weather alone, given my family history. The hot weather is part of it, but the other part is work.

Starting in December I began to network in earnest:

• I created a profile on LinkedIn and started getting in touch with all the publishing people I’ve worked with over the years, getting caught up with them and letting them know I’ve been freelancing.
• I became active on the message board of the Editorial Freelancers Association, answering questions related to my area of expertise, copyright and permissions editing.
• I created a basic website about my services and experience at http://www.permtrackers.com.
• I wrote about the role of the permissions editor in publishing for an industry blog and a professional newsletter.
• I submitted my resume whenever I found publishers seeking a freelance permissions editor on online job boards.

I wanted this spring and summer to be the best busy season ever. I wanted new clients in general and new projects from established clients. So far I seem to be getting what I wanted. This month I added three new clients to my roster. And this week an established client showed up with a new project.

As business heats up, I’m getting more joy and satisfaction out of my work. And continuing to network and market presents a suddenly appealing creative challenge, which is a relief after I feared and avoided it for so many years. These are all positive outcomes of increasing my professional profile, and I swear I do not mean to complain. But the down side is that stopping work to cook and eat has recently been an annoying interruption to the freelance reverie. And it’s a bit of a problem for me considering the high percentage of my happiness quotient I generally expect to get from food.

Choosing not to be daunted by a lack of appetite, I decided Thursday evening that I would open the fridge, grab a veggie, chop it, and sauté it in olive oil. Then, I would just stand back and listen.

I found a carton of white button mushrooms, chopped them and turned on the burner. After a few minutes stirring with a bamboo spatula, the mushrooms whispered up from my favorite stainless steel skillet, “Garlic. Rosemary. Fresh cracked pepper.”

OK, it was working. I started cooking without any idea of the end game, and the food led me on. On my way to the spice cabinet for dried rosemary, I found the sea salt and some thyme. So I threw those in, too.

What the heck should I do with these mushrooms? I only had two notions: omelet and pizza. I ran them by Eric. He said pizza.

Fine. I had our favorite middle eastern flatbreads in the freezer. And I had a few slices of provolone. But I had no sauce. Not my problem. Just keep going. Do not get in your own way. Keep cooking.

So, I placed two flatbreads on a baking sheet and thickly covered each with half the sautéed mushrooms. Yes, I used every last mushroom on two individual-sized pizzas. I know, I didn’t expect to do it either! But it nicely made up for there not being any sauce. Next I rummaged through the freezer and found some whole frozen spinach leaves. On they went, still frozen. Then I cut two slices of provolone into tiny triangles and arranged them evenly across the toppings.

I know that cranking the oven up to 375 degrees (Fahrenheit) is a wretched, wretched thing to do on a hot evening, but I’ve decided just to get over it or else we’ll end up eating instant noodles all the time. Good food (and good living, I think) is not always about being comfortable. Sometimes happiness comes from pushing yourself a little further as long as you’re able. And being neither elderly nor infirm, Eric and I lived through a hot night without air conditioning in Los Angeles and we even dared to heat up the oven.

And I’m likely to do it again. Appetite or no.

Posted in copyright & permissions, los angeles, balance, publishing, making do, cooking, attitudes, LinkedIn, freelance, editing, change your mind, enthusiasms | 144 Comments »

Saturday, April 26, 2008 by Julie Cancio Harper.

Well, yesterday was our first full day with water! Hallelujah!

There are still holes in the ceiling with sawdust and wood chips everywhere. But I refuse to complain about that. The water is on!

And because it’s Saturday and there is currently no plumbing emergency, there are no plumbers on-site today and we are experiencing the blessed quiet. What relief!

My schedule is not very compatible with plumbers. I usually wake up at about 10 a.m. to start my freelance workday. (Don’t hate me — I don’t have kids yet, I know this won’t last.) For two weeks now I’ve been forcing myself to stay asleep in spite of all the racket that usually begins at 7 a.m.

Thursday morning was a bit more than I could take with a smile and an even temper, though. I was rousted from my bed just before 8 a.m. so that plumbers could saw holes in my bedroom ceiling and route pipes through. It would not have been so horrible if we had been warned ahead of time. But no one ever mentioned they’d need access to our bedroom, let alone at a time of day when I’m very actively using it.

I finally got to sleep in today. It gives me the feeling of life getting back on track, at least a little.

On the bright side, we were cheered by our neighbors across the courtyard this week. Mr. & Mrs. B brought us lunch one day: spinach pie with corn and potato kugel. Bless them twice! All I had to do was heat it in the oven in the aluminum foil it came in. I’ve been pushing hard to keep up with all of my freelance work in spite of the loud distractions and their special lunch delivery was a miracle to me.

The B’s are retired and since Eric and I work from home, we often get the chance to chat with them about what’s going on. And sometimes Mrs. B will drop by with some kitchen talk.

It’s nice to have good neighbors like this and it is one of the things I was looking for when we moved to Los Angeles — a neighborhood with people who interact with one another.

My grandparents had this type of neighborhood, and I practically grew up at their house. And ever since I finished college and moved out into the world, I have wanted to live in a place with good neighbors.

The B’s celebrated Passover last week and they attended a dinner at Mrs. B’s sister’s house. Mrs. B volunteered to bring the Potato Kugel. But she was missing one important thing: she does not have a food processor or other electric grinder to pulverize the potatoes.

Since I’m the only other cook, she was not surprised to find that out of 11 other apartments in the complex, I’m the only person with the appliance she needed.

So, she scheduled me — a month in advance! — to come over with my Kitchenaid stand mixer with food grinding attachments to grind all her potatoes and onions for the kugel. That was on Friday, April 18. It was a delight to help out and it was even better to get to sample the results. Simply delicious — and I will make it myself soon.

I was fortunate to get a copy of the recipe:

Mrs. B’s Potato Kugel

10 large baking potatoes
2 onions
6 eggs
2/3 cup matzo meal
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon baking powder

1. Peel and slice the potatoes to fit into your food grinder chute (or, if you’re lucky, a 14-cup food processor — it’s faster). Process potatoes until ground. If they’re very watery, drain out the water using a strainer.

2. Peel and slice the onion into wedges to fit into your food grinder chute (or food processor). Process onions until ground.

3. Beat eggs in a large mixing bowl. Add all remaining ingredients, including potatoes and onions and mix well.

4. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees (Fahrenheit).

5. Liberally grease a 9″ x 13″ casserole or pan with vegetable oil and preheat the empty pan in the oven.

6. Once the pan is hot, spoon the potato kugel mixture into the hot pan. Bake a 400 degrees (Fahrenheit) for one hour until firm.

Posted in los angeles, balance, making do, recipes, cooking, attitudes, pie, sleep, love, freelance, miracle foods | 252 Comments »

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 by Julie Cancio Harper.

In the midst of the plumbing craziness, I’ve received an equal and opposite jolt! Today Lori Cates Hand, who blogs at Publishing Careers, has directed her readers to Learning To Eat — and with glowing praise. Thank you, Lori!

In her post, Lori mentions that Learning To Eat is mostly a food blog, and I would agree. But food comes in many forms. Finding your True Work and doing it with all your might brings a very wholesome sense of joy, just like preparing and eating a homecooked meal. It fills you up and makes you hungry for more.

Working from home integrates my work life and home life into one giant 24/7 occupation 365 days a year. And at times it will look on the page to be about two parts food to one part publishing. As we dig into the busy season in the coming months, the balance will shift towards publishing shop talk. And then back again towards food toward the end of the year.

This is the annual cycle of my life as a freelancer. And the cycle of learning to find work, do work, get paid for the work, pay the bills, buy the groceries, keep myself motivated and working and growing forward — this is what I mean by Learning To Eat. I’m only just starting and the scope will unfold as I blog along.

I thank you all for reading and for your comments. And I especially thank Lori as one of my earliest inspirations and supporters for sharing my freelance life through this blog.

Posted in balance, blogs & blogging, publishing, attitudes, editing, love, energy, freelance, celebration | 93 Comments »

Wednesday, April 16, 2008 by Julie Cancio Harper.

I finally made that pie I dreamed of. And it was better in real life.

It’s the pan. I know it’s the pan. I’ve baked dozens and dozens of pies and this is the first time I have ever inspected the crust and the word “perfect” left my lips in a whisper. It was evenly golden brown from the crusty fluted edge to the center of the bottom.

No dark spots, and no vaguely overbaked too-dark aftertaste. Also, no soggy part there in the middle because you took it out early worried that the edge would char.

And I did not shield it while it was in the oven — neither with one of those aluminum shields nor with foil. I didn’t need to because the stoneware pan baked the most fantastically even crust. I’m not going back. Not ever.

The photo above is of the first pumpkin pie in the Pampered Chef Stoneware Deep Dish Pie Plate in Cranberry. I made a second one this past Sunday when I had out-of-town guests stop over for dinner. It was as perfect as the first. Yes, I know that may be difficult to believe, but you’ll either have to trust me or get a hold of one of these pans and test it yourself. (If you need a PC consultant, I can refer you to mine. Just drop me a line.)

There has got to be a lot more pie now. Not only because I loved the fantastic results from the first two pumpkin pies. But also because baking pies this past week reminded me how easy it is to make something that improves my life by leaps and bounds.

I know there are people who fear pie baking because the crust makes them nervous. I think pie baking has a lot to do with confidence. And if you’re not confident from the start when you’ve made your first few pies, you need to keep baking more pies until you earn that confidence. It will come. And in the end you too will get fantastic results.

I’m fortunate to have learned pie baking at the elbow of two fine ladies – my maternal grandmother and my step-mother – and neither of them had any pie fear. Both made the crust by hand by cutting vegetable shortening into flour with a pastry blender or with a fork. Both got delicious results.

I’ve done it that way and I’m nostalgic about the method because it’s what I first learned. But, in my adulthood, I’ve been fortunate to receive a KitchenAid stand mixer as a gift and I recently have used it to blend the fat into the flour. It is very fast and thorough, which is especially good when you’ve got more on your to-do list today than “bake pie.”

My current pie pastry recipe contains all butter (plus flour, salt and water) and comes from Rosie’s Bakery All-Butter Fresh Cream Sugar-Packed No-Holds-Barred Baking Book by Judy Rosenberg (see the recipe on page 175 for Basic Pie Crust 1). I have also enjoyed using a crust based on vegetable oil, which I learned in my home economics class in the seventh grade. I think that there are lots of good crusts out there and I don’t think any are inherently better than others since taste and preferences are very personal.

But I tend to go back to the all-butter crust time and again because (1) it’s butter, and butter tastes better to me and (2) I have such excellent results rolling out this crust. I place the refrigerated disk of dough on waxed paper or plastic wrap, and I roll it out with my rolling pin using no additional flour. As long as it stays reasonably cold, it does not stick to the pin. If you need to work very slowly, just slide it gently back into the fridge when it starts to stick. Slide your hand under the waxed paper or plastic wrap and the gently turn it dough-side-down into the pie plate. Then gently peel away the paper or plastic and guide the dough to fill all corners of the plate. Fancy up the crust with your favorite design — I prefer crimping by hand.

For the pumpkin filling, I did a search through my recent favorite cookbooks. I did not want to trudge up to the store just to buy the evaporated milk that is an ingredient in many pumpkin pie recipes. Instead, I found a lovely alternative in From Amish and Mennonite Kitchens by Phyllis Pellman Good and Rachel Thomas Pellman.

Their recipe on page 212 contains the usual ingredients with the addition of one tablespoon flour (as a thickener, I think), one tablespoon molasses or King Syrup and one tablespoon of browned butter. Where they called for one half cup each of milk and cream, I substituted one cup of whole milk. I spiced it with ground ginger and cinnamon and left out the nutmeg because I’m running low and needed it for my secret ingredient in mashed potatoes.

This is a fantastic pumpkin custard — so delicious, soft and smooth. Once again, I’m not going back to the old way with the canned milk. I like this better. It is simpler because I often have milk in the fridge but have to buy evaporated milk just for pumpkin pie. What for? No reason, it turns out. It seems like lots of interesting things happen when I make do instead of buying ingredients just because they’re listed in a recipe.

I had been putting off pie baking for months, as I mentioned in my post about Pie Dreams, and as I slid the first pumpkin pie into the oven, I thought, shame on me! This was not some sort of difficult project to dread and delay. It was easy and fun. But I let myself get too busy and forget.

It’s amazing how finally doing something you’ve had on your mind opens the world up to you. I need to start baking pie all the time; weekly, at least, because I need to solidify my relationship with it. So I’m adding that to the cooking plan. My last pie was this past Sunday, so I need to get another one in by the end of the weekend. I’m going to go for the other dream pie: Amish-style oatmeal pie. Then we’ll see where the wind takes me.

Posted in change your mind, energy, attitudes, nostalgia, cooking, love, pampered chef, celebration, pie, dreams & dreaming, books, enthusiasms | 11 Comments »

Friday, April 11, 2008 by Julie Cancio Harper.

The Los Angeles Times sponsors a food blog called Daily Dish, which I read and enjoy (and have now added to the blogroll).

There is an unfortunate error in their post dated April 9: “Chicken and waffle feud”

What they claim is a case of copyright infringement is actually a trademark dispute, as reported in an Associated Press article available from the LA Daily News. See “Roscoe’s sues Rosscoe’s over trademark rights” for accurate yet brief coverage.

I’ve been thinking about blogs lately, and the responsibility I have to readers as a blogger. Bloggers are publishers in the sense that we put print (and other content like audio and video) into the universe. We don’t need much more than access to the Internet and basic word processing skills to do it. We each decide on our own editorial standards. We look up to our mentors and try to outshine our competitors, in a sibling rivalry sort of way.

This is a pretty loose type of writing, so there is a wide range of content and quality out here in the blogosphere. I accept that errors happen. Sometimes readers give a shout when something’s amiss, and bless them for reminding us to get it right because we’re not singing to ourselves alone out here.

But having the Daily Dish, which is staffed by professionals at the LA Times, post such a serious error is a bummer. I take my responsibility for accuracy and fact-checking seriously, even as a beginner. If it was a misspelling or a punctuation error, I would think “must be a typo” and leave it without comment. But there is a pretty extreme difference between copyright and trademark. And anyone working in any kind of publishing should either know the difference or make sure to pass on the newswire transmission word-for-word.

The U.S. Copyright Office defines copyright as “a form of protection provided by the laws of the United States (title 17, U.S. Code) to the authors of ‘original works of authorship,’ including literary, dramatic, musical, artistic, and certain other intellectual works.” Many creative works qualify for copyright protection, but business names do not. They are protected by trademark.

According to attorney Lloyd J. Jassin who provides “Trademark Basics” at Copylaw.com, “trademark law protects names, titles, short phrases and other symbols that distinguish the source of one product (or service) from another” and affect business and marketing efforts. The “other symbols” mentioned by Jassin include business logos, such as the waffle background and chicken foreground made famous by the original Roscoe’s in Los Angeles.

See “Copyrights vs. Trademarks: Related but Different” at Copylaw.com and the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) for more information.

In the lawsuit involving two houses of chicken and waffles, the famous Roscoe’s in Los Angeles objects to another restaurant’s similar name and logo because those marks of trade make it difficult for the businesses to be distinguished from one another. The suggestion is that Rosscoe’s deliberately means to deprive Roscoe’s of sales. This is especially important now that the famous Roscoe’s is opening a restaurant in the Chicago area where Rosscoe’s currently does business.

So, for the record and as a public service dedicated to accuracy in the blogosphere, I present this information.

And now that I have, I’m pretty much starving for chicken and waffles. Where the heck did I put that waffle iron?

Posted in blogs & blogging, publishing, copyright & permissions, los angeles, attitudes, trademark, editing | 4 Comments »

Tuesday, March 25, 2008 by Julie Cancio Harper.

Yesterday I spent nine hours editing Eric’s résumé.

Editing other people’s résumés is a special sort of hell. Because it takes a unique type of energy from me, a nurturing all-seeing eye combining the forces of empathy and sharp arrows. I interview and dig and coach and prod. I intuit, I guess, I try, and sometimes undo. I review and rewrite and reformat, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.

Perhaps everyone’s résumé needs this kind of deep attention, but many cannot afford to pay what would be a fair price for the effort. And it’s a misery to be underpaid for grueling work. So I only do it for love, never money.

I spent a bit more time tweaking it this afternoon, and I’m at the point where I know it’s not Perfect but it is definitely Very Good. I think I can let it go out into the world.

But there’s always that bit of worry. If it’s not ready, not good enough, then tens of thousands of dollars could be riding on it, opportunities lost because of my choices and advice. Or maybe not. I possibly take it too hard. But I’ve got to treat all the details seriously, rabidly, just in case.

I like to be kept up to date when they go out: Did you get the job? Which one? Did they mention liking the resume? Congratulations! (*breathing out* Thank God it worked — they liked my baby!)

Argh. So you see why I can’t offer this type of skill as part of my for-profit business. It’s too much of an emotional roller coaster. And while being in business by yourself, for yourself (sole proprietor) naturally feels a bit personal at times, I try to keep my work emotions as steady as possible.

Still, it’s difficult to stay in balance all the time when offering services. Interesting opportunities arise and I have to accurately evaluate: Do I want that experience? And also, am I up to the challenge at this moment?

Timing is everything because the gauge on my creative reserves is fluctuating daily. All sorts of variables change how much of me is available for tackling new projects: Am I sleep-deprived? Did I just come off a doozy of an assignment that drained my brain completely? Do I have important appointments or errands this week or can I hunker down in my apartment and commit to working so deeply that I experience time loss?

If something sparkly and new has popped up in front of me, out of optimism I can commit to a project that I don’t have the energy reserves to complete with feelings of power and joy.

No one else knows when this happens to me because for some reason it does not show on the outside. Sometimes my husband cannot tell. I will seem perfectly fine and happy, my work output and performance will be top-notch as always. But I will no longer be having fun. I will not feel satisfied with my work, no matter how good it is. All I will feel is that I can’t wait for the project to be finished so I can run away and recharge before someone notices I am cracking up.

And of course, I know that not all work can be done while I ecstatically resonate energy with feelings of power and joy. But isn’t that a neat goal to shoot for? Isn’t the possibility of striving for happiness and satisfaction one of the big reasons that I face the many challenges of freelancing for a living?

When I catch myself feeling like everything is dire and I’m at the end of the rope holding the last knot with sweaty palms, I use a trick I call “Change Your Mind.”

To change my mind, I think of all the things that are wrong and list them (in my head or on paper). Recently the list looked like this:

• This short film shoot was supposed to be 5 days and we’re on day 14 now, with no set end date.
• The honorary token flat fee for this indie project currently amounts to just over $1 per hour and with each day gets lower still.
• I have to put off or turn away editing gigs until this film is completed and it irks me to be losing so much opportunity for making money.
• I’m worried that my editing clients will notice I’m gone and get gone themselves.
• No one is taking the time to explain to me what they need and why, so I can solve the problem quickly.
• This project is understaffed so we’ve all been sloppy at organizing the equipment which makes it impossible to find what I need.
• I’m afraid my work performance on this shoot is suffering because conditions are even tougher than usual.
• I’m hungry.
• I’m tired.
• I have cramps.

Then I take a deep breath and ask myself: “When you started this project, did you say yes for love or money?”

In this case, the answer was love.

My next question: “If you take your money worries out of the equation, can you still persevere and do a good job — for love — here?”

And the answer was yes.

My attitude changed in that moment. I felt better and realized I could make it through the hard circumstances because my original objective was still being met. I wanted to do the film for the experience, because it needed me, for love. My basic problem was really that my exhaustion caused me to feel horrible and it messed up my viewpoint. To be happy again I had to “change my mind” by reviewing my original motivations and realizing that I was achieving what I started out to.

Today I finished a resume for love. And after writing this, I finally feel satisfied with it because — even though it took much more time and effort than I had expected — I succeeded in what I set out to do.

Working for money is another story for another day . . .

Posted in dealings w/feelings, change your mind, attitudes, balance, editing, freelance, sleep, love, energy, film | 5 Comments »